Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Special Notice for Those Sharing Millions of Dollars!

This is for that huge number of persons who send me emails offering to share a few million dollars with me for a small favor on my part.

Since there are so many of you who have access to someone's estate or an inheritance which nobody is claiming and this involves a lot of emailing to find someone willing to enter into a partnership with you, I have designed a form which will expedite the proceedings. Also, the grammar will be reasonably correct since I have a better command of the English language than you who still have a serious problem with the language -- the proper use of nouns, verbs, adverbs, adjectives, and sentence structure can be a real pain, can it not? So feel free to copy and paste the form and insert the names and other vital information as suggested and then delete the suggestions. Once you get your millions with the help of some U.S. citizen, maybe you could send me a few thousand dollars for use of the form! Let's just say I work on a commission basis in this sort of thing. I thank you in advance for your most generous response.

Standard Form for Sharing Millions of U. S. Dollars

Dearly Beloved (this is the most recent and very affectionate salutation to use):

I am (insert your name) from Nigeria (or insert some other African country). The late Mr. (insert name of deceased) was forced to flee when rebels took over the government. He was able to hide (insert any number) millions of U. S. dollars in an extra large piggy bank in the left corner of the third cemetery (or insert other location) on the road going south out of (insert name of town).

I have recovered this money but need to have it transferred to your country. I have complete faith that you will be willing to have these funds transferred to your personal bank account. I ask that you divide these funds as follows: you take (insert percentage, but no higher than 30%) and the balance will be mine. The generous amount which you receive will be compensation for entering into this partnership.

Please provide me with the following information: your name, postal address, phone number, and bank account number.

Also, please keep this matter very confidential. As soon as I receive the requested information from you, I will immediately begin the process for the transfer of the funds to your account. You will receive processing papers which will give further instructions as to what you must do to complete the transfer.

In closing I want to inform you that I am a born again Christian and have been diagnosed with cancer. My doctor informs me that I only have a few months to live. So your prompt attention to this matter is extremely important for the benefit of the both of us.

(insert name)
(insert email address and phone number)

If I had all those millions of dollars which have been offered to me these past few years I would have a fortune that would compete with big name millionaires!

Sadly there have been people who have taken the "bait" and gotten badly burned financially in these scams that just keep going like the Energizer Bunny!

This type of scam takes many forms but it has only been in recent months that they have been weaving the "born again Christian" and the terminal cancer scenario into the offers for you and me to become millionaires.

As for me, I will continue to pass up these offers on the basis that I'm in line to receive some things that make the millions of dollars offered in this world look like putrid garbage by way of comparison! Read it for youself......

"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know." --- Jesus in John 14:1-4

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. --- 1 Peter 1:3-5

The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs; heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. --- Romans 8:16-18

Looking forward to seeing you there -- in fact, I put together an invitation which you are welcome to examine -- it's at Meet Me in Heaven!

1 comment:

Roland said...

Sad, true, and slightly funny all at once.